Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Perform. Perform. Perform.

I'm a performer.  Well, at least I've been trained that way.  As a musician, singer, former music teacher, performing arts has been something I've been immersed in since I began taking piano in the 2nd grade.  "Work on this.  Do it again.  That's not good enough."   All things that I've heard over and over again.  It's hard to separate all of that from your spiritual life when you've heard it enough. 

I’ve been reading “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young over the last several weeks and yesterday’s reading was written just for me.  Because of some conversations I had over the weekend at a retreat, I know that I’m not alone in this.  

Here are her words written from Jesus' perspective...

I LOVE YOU regardless of how well you are performing.  Sometimes you feel uneasy, wondering if you are doing enough to be worthy of My Love.  No matter how exemplary your behavior, the answer to that question will always be no.  Your performance and My Love are totally different issues, which you need to sort out.  I Love you with an everlasting Love that flows out from eternity without limits or conditions.  I have clothed you in My robe of righteousness, and this is an eternal transaction:  Nothing and no one can reverse it.  Therefore, your accomplishment as a Christian has no bearing on My Love for you.  Even your ability to assess how well you are doing on a given day is flawed.  Your limited human perspective and the condition of your body, with its mercurial variations, distort your evaluations.

Bring your performance anxiety to Me, and receive in its place My unfailing Love.  Try to stay conscious of My loving Presence with you in all that you do, and I will direct your steps.    
(Jeremiah 31:3; Isaiah 61:10; Psalm 31:16; Psalm 107:8)

I need to be confronted so much when it comes to my performance-driven anxiety.  I struggle with thinking I can somehow earn my way to a relationship with God.  I know that is impossible Biblically and that I understand it in my brain, yet, somehow it creeps into my everyday living.  I also begin believing my “good behavior” earns me other things that ultimately lead to self-righteous and judgmental behaviors and attitudes.  Like I have somehow earned the right to judge others because I've been "good" about something.  It's sick, I know.  


I need to remember that regardless of how good I may think I am—I WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.  Now, I don't say that because I think I'm going to have to keep striving and straining to reach the goal.  I say that because I need to be ok with the cold hard fact that I cannot possibly do anything that will earn the love of my Savior.  I need to embrace the fact that my performance and His love have nothing to do with each other.  You love me with an everlasting love—one that is not earned by conditions or merit or being good at anything.  

Why is that so difficult to comprehend and accept sometimes?





Scripture:  
I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.  For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head alike a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.   Isaiah 61:10 

Prayer:
Jesus, thank you for your work on the cross.  Thank you for not requiring me to earn my salvation.  I know that I would never be able to do enough good to get there.  Thank you for your gentle reminders that I do not have to work for your love.  Lead me on this journey as I learn to love you more.  Amen.  


 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Remain in Me.

Lent Challenge:  Days 6 & 7

Yesterday was a crazy day.  I’m not exactly sure why, but the day seemed to just spiral out of control.  We were hosting 2 young gentlemen from Atlanta Christian College who were attending the National Preaching Summit at church.  They were fun to have here, but it made me feel very old.  And very tired, but that's an entirely separate post...

As my day was spiraling out of control (which really just means not going according to the plan that I had laid out ahead of time), I was reminded of the wonderful devotion I read yesterday morning.  I’ve been reading Sarah Young’s “Jesus Calling” (which I highly recommend).  The book is a series of short messages written from Jesus’ perspective.  Don’t let the brevity of the entries fool you.  They are packed with profound thoughts.  Here’s the entry that haunted me yesterday:

“Let Me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you.  I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.  You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey.  You’d feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on the road ahead.  However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today:  Spend quality time with Me.

I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey.  My living Presence is your Companion each step of the way.  Stay in continual communication with Me, whispering My Name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts.  Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me.  My abiding Presence is the best road map available.”  (Jesus Calling, p. 13)


Scripture Verse for the Day(s)
Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.  John 15:4-8

Prayer for the Day(s)
Jesus,
Why can’t I trust you for what is ahead?  What is it that makes me want to see every step-all the twists and turns?  Help me to learn to trust in you.  Grow my faith.  Show me how to spend more quality time in your Presence.  Wake me up so I am aware of You.  Grow my roots so that I am grafted in You and not myself.  Deepen my roots so that I can bear fruit that points to You.  You are pruning me right now.  Please continue to cut down the ineffective branches that I cling to so tightly.  I want to look like Your disciple—more tomorrow than I do today.  Amen.  

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Everything is Permissible

Lent Challenge:  Day 4

Today has been an interesting day at our house.  Very quiet.  And incredibly relaxing.  Normally on Saturdays, the tv has been on—Abigail watching Franklin or Sesame Street episodes and Matt and I “catching up” on our DVR’d television shows.  Not today, though.  I have to say that earlier in the week I wondered what Saturday would be like because we were planning to be home all day.  Well, it has honestly proved to be a beautiful day.  Our fridge is full.  Our house is clean.  I’ve made a roast for our dinner after church tomorrow.  I made dinner tonight.  And we’ll be going to bed in just a little bit—actually leaving us plenty of time to sleep with the time change.

What a refreshing day.

Isn’t it funny how God always knows what is best for us?  We have these ideas about what we think is best, but it doesn’t always turn out that way, does it?  I’m beginning to see how this “sacrifice” of something that isn’t inherently wrong is truly a benefit.  I hope you’re discovering the same freedom.

Scripture(s) for the day:
“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.  I Corinthians 10:23-24


“Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything.  I Corinthians 6:12
 

Prayer:
Jesus, I am always trying to justify things in my life that are permissible.  Help me to think differently so that I can live for Your Kingdom.  Please show me how to live so that I am not mastered by anything.  I want you to be my Master, my Lord, my everything.  Rid me of any other master.  Amen.  

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Thursdays are for TV

Lent Challenge:  Day 2

Thursdays are television nights at the Dingman home.  Usually when I get home from rehearsal, Matt and I will talk while I pop some popcorn and then we’ll watch one, sometimes two, shows together.  I’m in Lincoln this evening after a long week of class and I’ll admit, there was a part of me that, after sitting through 4 days of lectures and 3 hours of research in the library, wanted to watch something that I didn’t force me to think.

I’ve been thinking about how these 40 days will change me.  My experience with Lent (which honestly has just been watching others participate in it half-heartedly) has not made me think there would be any reason to be different after the 40 days is over.  When I think of the typical “things” people sacrifice (pop, chocolate, even tv...), I wonder whether after 40 days those habits will simply be picked back up again with no intentional change.

I’m curious as to how this will shape me.  Make me into a different person.  How will this form me?  I’d like to think that perhaps I’ll be well-rested and well-read, but will I look more like Christ?

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.  2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Prayer for today:
Jesus,
Show me that in sacrifice there is freedom.  Teach me that when I walk in step with the Spirit, that I am free.  Transform me into the likeness of you through the power of your Spirit.  When I am unwilling, make me willing.  Move me so your glory can be seen.  Amen.  

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

New Beginnings

I'm not going to pretend that it hasn't been over a year since I've posted anything. I'm sure there are a couple of people out there who will faint when they see that I've actually posted something new. I struggled with whether or not to put some kind of profound musings for my first post "back", but decided that if I continued to wonder what would be a worthy return post, I would simply never post anything.  Ever.

Now that I've acknowledged my lack of commitment to writing over the past year, here's my gratitude for new beginnings.

Today happens to be Ash Wednesday.  I am in a seminary class right now that is studying the Christian year.  In my experience in church, the only portions of the Christian year that we celebrated were Christmas and Easter.  Being from an Independent Christian Church that uses the Bible only (and the word Lent doesn't happen to be in the Bible....at least in mine...), my thoughts of Lent are quite negative.  They are unfortunately clouded by hypocritical, shallow choices that others have made while choosing to observe the season.  When Lent is viewed as preparation for the celebration of Easter, it suddenly takes on new meaning.  New beauty.

As a project for my class, I have invited several people to join me in a Lent Challenge.  In order to prepare for the celebration of Easter, we want to somewhat identify with the suffering and sacrifice Christ endured on the cross.  We are choosing to sacrifice something of significance over the next 40 days in order to be reminded of that gift. 

This is a first for me...the whole Lent thing.  I'll be honest, I am struggling with some feelings of self-righteousness.  After all, fasting from anything is pretty spiritual, right?  My husband and I have decided to give up t.v.  That choice has been a big one.  I knew it was the right one when it made me sweat a little.  I'm praying that I can remember that my sacrifice of t.v. isn't costing me my life.

Because of the extra time that I'll have from not watching t.v., I hope to write more.  To reflect more.  I'm sending those involved in the Lent Challenge a daily "thought" and Scripture verse.  I hope to share some of those here as well.  Maybe that will force me to be in the habit of writing more....One can only hope, I suppose. 

Lent Verse for the Day:
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews 12:2-3
Prayer for the Day:
Jesus,
Fix my eyes on you.  Glue them there.  They look so many other places and I cannot seem to keep them there by myself.  Thank you for writing my faith, for making it right.  Help me to approach my Lenten sacrifice with the same kind of joy that you approached the cross.  Remind me of what you endured in order to redeem my life.  May that be a motivator to keep me moving forward.  Amen.